Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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