So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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