am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
