wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
