I want to stick my p in your. b.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
