I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
