Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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