Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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