We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Randomize
