Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
