When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize