Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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