So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
