its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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