I like my sex mixed with concussions.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
