Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Did you just see the Batmobile???
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
