Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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