Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
