It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
