And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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