Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
