dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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