Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
