well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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