Taylor Swift is so right about you.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
