dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize