I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
