That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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