so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize