The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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