Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
