so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
