If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
