Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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