I like to think it a success when the cops are called
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
