This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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