I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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