Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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