I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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