So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
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