I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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