I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize