Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
