I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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