dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
