i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
