Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Sorry about my life...
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
