Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
