I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Semen is not good for contacts.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize