So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize