It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
