you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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