How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
