I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
