He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
