He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
the day after is always just damage control
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
