I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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