lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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