Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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