NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
