Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
