If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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