porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
