loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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