I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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