Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Randomize
