I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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