I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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