I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize