i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
