You really coming over, don't trick.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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