Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
