dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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