Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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