You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
