put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
