Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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