Sry I called you an 8
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
