i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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