why didn't you poke me back
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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