I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
