I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
