Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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