never play flip cup with pint glasses
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
