you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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