During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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