It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
