Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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