Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize