she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
