dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
