Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Randomize
