I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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