he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
