is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
