FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
