So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
