Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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