she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
