every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I look excited, but its just a facade.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
