Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
