True but thats because hes a fetus.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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