i just google imaged poop.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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