On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
