Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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