Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
