I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
