life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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