You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
